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In the Absence of Moonlight

"In the Absence of Moonlight" Countless wonders get to flutter a fool's cares away. Splashing and bathing in the fountain of darkness. Every free bird is dancing themselves silly by venue of dreams, where hopes are the confetti trickling subtly downward over the masquerade of night. The motherly womb of night protects us all inside. Breeding a peace, it massages our tensions away. Feasting on the nourishment of indifference, it is the equality within true darkness we hold so dear. Friendships are founded in those who lack light. In the maturity of night we formed bonds, becoming carefree party lovers who rode the horses of exhilaration, sprinting through the shrunken passage of hours. Until we saw the harbinger of dawn and the stars went backstage again, we all had leading roles.

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Jslambert Mister Roboto

Date: 7/25/2014 7:34:00 AM

Hello, I know you don't know me, but if you want it... I would like to point out a couple things about this poem which might be helpful. Understand, I am NO EXPERT, and matter of fact, I am at only 3rd grade reading level...still criticism can be constructive. Please let me know. I am going to have some more of your poems read to me.

Suzanne Delaney

Date: 9/17/2013 4:53:00 PM

Love the title and the 'party lovers who rode the horses of exhilaration.' SuZ

Shanity Rain

Date: 7/30/2013 4:26:00 PM

you are something !

Duke Beaufort

Date: 7/30/2013 10:33:00 AM

Now unless the whole Internet crashes it seems there are few if any dark corners remaining. I agree with you wholeheartedly that darkness every so often is a really good thing. Karl, I see there is a substantial break in your dates of submission. Welcome back and congratulations on your lifetime membership, sir.

Shadow Hamilton

Date: 7/30/2013 10:00:00 AM

wonderful love the imagery here congrats Shadow x smiles

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 7/30/2013 8:58:00 AM

You can try to experiment more I guess with formatting, breaking some of the lines and see if you like that. I am not sure, but maybe this can fall into free verse? Btw, thank you for your comments in my poem. I will keep the mystery and hold back why it is entitled as such. Thank you, you are actually the only one there who caught that and for me, that poem has personal significance, a deeper layer to it if you will.

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 7/30/2013 8:55:00 AM

how you call it? Especially for L3S1 and L4S2, L1S3-- maybe it's how I read it, but where the words cut sort of stall the flow of thought for me, maybe it's also why I kept on reading it again. I guess you could say (and this is the tricky part) because if I were to write this it would be formatted differently. But of course, we all have different styles in writing our poems.

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 7/30/2013 8:49:00 AM

Back here again. I actually started to write a different 2nd comment where I began saying that I felt a bit of a disconnect between each stanza, where I felt I wanted more of a coherence or tying in, umm segue perhaps between each? However, as I read your poem over & over (on 4 hours sleep)-- it just grew on me, and I sort of saw it as a Whole poem, instead of breaking it down per stanza. That's why I changed my comment. Reading it again, my only other comment is the line break (is that cont'd

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 7/29/2013 11:34:00 AM

I admit that it took me several reads before I was able to have a hold on what you wanted to say here-- but it can also be good since each reading gave me a view as to what you want to say. I think this is the type of poem that has several layers to it & with each read can give more meaning. I know, not really much of a lemon comment, but this poem actually grew on me. The idea of friendships getting deeper with the absence of light (moments) is so true. Beautiful poem!

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 7/29/2013 11:20:00 AM

Hi Karl! I will clarify that I am in no way an expert in critiquing, I am not sure even of some terms to use, just me saying what I feel here. The sugar: I enjoyed the unique metaphors that you put in here and some of the beautiful imagery you used. I especially enjoyed your last stanza... and it gave me this certain scene in my mind & hopefully I was able to grasp what you wanted to convey

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 7/30/2013 9:03:00 AM

oops, I think I went a bit comment crazy on your blog and here... this is I guess also one of the reasons why I have to limit my activity here-- I tend to be too wordy, spending so much time... this is why I only do few comments at a time ( I mean poem count wise)

Karl Marszalowicz
Date: 7/29/2013 1:58:00 PM

Don't get me wrong friend, I have a sweet tooth more than anybody and I love the good comments people write. I just would like more people like you to get specific about what they enjoyed or even didn't. I didn't make that entirely clear and think they are held back because they feel every comment should be saccharine. Your a smart person though, thanks for taking the time to read my blog too!