Lillian Lam Poet Free verse

I'M Sorry My Dear Father

Look, I know that it wasn’t  good enough.
Understand that I tried so hard to make it better.
Do you feel my heart beating evey second?
Doesn't that tell you that I'm alive?

I've mistaken your thoughts about me.
Forgive me for thinking you love me.
Those sharp words were enough to hurt me...
even though I tried to stay strong.

There's a mountain of doubt  resting inside me.
Isn't someone suppose to help me? 
Are you not the hero that will save me?
What are you suppose to be?

I thought that you would guide me.
My dreams were there to crush me.
I wanted to be important in your mind,
but it was all an illusion of mine.

Sadly, you don't see my view.
You think your words are nothing new.
They aren't, but a new scar forms inside.
Those words destroy my heart every time.

Light rain describes most that are sad.
They are shy and wish for nothing to last.
My life, however, is a huge storm that nevers ends.
My smile is all pretend.

My father, I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough.
I'm sorry that my dreams didnt fit yours.
I'm sorry that those hurtful words you say every day
breaks me inside.

I'm sorry that I looked up to you for help
because all you do is push me down.
I'm sorry that I thought of you as my hero.
I know the fault was mine.

I know I said that I didn't have feelings,
but I'm trying to cover my flaws.
I'm falling into a never ending hole
of self doubt, and there's no going back.

I'll pretend every day.
Eveything is ok.
My grandpa said that smiling makes it all go away.
I'm sorry that I am a pain that is going to stay.

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