I'M Not Sorry

I'm angry because I spent forever not in control,
Counting myself out so much
That I almost forgot to do the daily.
Angry that a-holes slowed the phase 
Of my growth down.

I'm learning how to live all over again.
What's after all of this.
How do I ask for  a hand up,
When the sound of my wheels spinning gets me down?

Angry that I allowed my name to bring drug through the mud,
When I should have turned the spotlight on,
When I swept it under the rug.
When the years of nit and grit
 That made it take 25 years to get a grip
And honestly, 
I'm still kinda tripping on it. 

Angry that I endured so many toddler like fits,
Lost in a tear down of a lecture,
You getting louder just makes my head scream.
Thanks to men like that I now shut down,
Silence is a weapon
And I find it hard
To articulate what I need
Because sometimes as much as I know
Exactly what I need 
I refuse to speak it out loud.

I'm  learning to love myself when
I'm still trying to find myself.
I'm learning to let myself get angry,
And that feeling intensely is okay.
How freeing it is to feel 
And openly express myself...
And no, I'm not sorry.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

Poem

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