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I'm Not in Kansas Anymore

(Mimic the song..."If I Only Had A Brain" by the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz)

I could be so independent

So lavish and resplendent

Just a player in the game

I would wield mighty powers

And be mesmerized for hours

If I only knew my name

Oh nothing's getting clearer

This stranger in the mirror

Every day it's just the same

I don't think I'm Richard Nixon

It's my brain that needs a fixin'

If I only knew my name

I must have washed up on the shore

I'm not in Kansas anymore

Tell me who am I to blame

Am I a winner or a loser

Am I sober or a boozer

If I only knew my name 

Who's my father and my mother

Have I sister and a brother

To remember is the aim

Was I born just an orphan

Or was I metamorphin'

If I only knew my name 

Were there starlets I was meetin'

Or did I take a beatin'

A sad history or fame

Did I grow up in the gutter

Only eating peanut butter

If I only knew my name 

It would be an inspiration 

If I got an invitation

By the Queen or Royal Dame

All my senses would be tinglin'

When they crowned me King of England

If I only knew my name 

Would I do it all for spite

Is it wrong or is it right

Let me tell you it's a shame

Do I love 'em or I hate 'em

Is that my one ultimatum

If I only knew my name

I would wave my country's banners

And practice proper manners

Not to do so is so lame

I would call no gal a heifer

Or a guy a mother effer

If I only knew my name 

Am I a true brainiac

Or a total maniac

This confusion I must tame

I may need some absolution 

In a mental institution 

If I only knew my name 

From the summer through the fall

I kept trying to recall

But the memory never came

Am I coming am I going 

There's just no way of knowing 

If I only knew my name 

When I stand I'm dizzy still 

There has got to be a pill

Guess I may go down in flame

This must be some strange disease 

Won't somebody help me please 

If I only knew my name

Well I feel so out of place

I want to join the human race

So now I'm here to stake my claim

And I'm hopin' and believin'

That one day this fog is leavin'

If I only knew my name

Copyright © Randy Freie | Year Posted 2024

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Lanier Thomas Date: 3/11/2024 1:25:00 AM Too Funny! I'll have that stuck in my head all day! I enjoyed the wit of the poem, but also perhaps there is more because one has to wonder if we really know ourselves at all. Login to Reply Randy Freie Date: 3/11/2024 2:14:00 AM Hi Lanier, well I know one thing about myself. I've got a silly sense of humor. Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate it.