I'M America's Worst Driver

Where I live, a bunch of idiots work at the DMV. They proved that by giving a drivers license to me. When I drive, I constantly drive in the wrong lane. Some people call me stupid, others call me insane. If you're on the same road while I'm driving, you won't have much of a chance of surviving. I've wrecked so many cars that my insurance company no longer pays. If you ever see me driving in your neighborhood, you really should pray. If you're out walking while I'm driving, you sure will need to get out of my way. Because if you don't, your next of kin will be informed that you've passed away. I drive extremely bad during the night and even worse in the rain. When I die, my body will be donated to science but they won't accept my brain. When people see me coming, they lose bladder control and pee. The gospel truth is that even drunk drivers drive better than me.