I'M a Haunted House Sitter, You Bet

Many people have houses that are filled up with ghosts And the problem they cause is the huge shortage of hosts For there aren't many willing to tolerate that Which is where I ride in with my ghost buster's hat. It was long, long ago when I started to read All those books about demons and statues that bleed I became fascinated with all of that stuff As I learned they were more than just hoaxes and guff. But I slaved through the years learning everyday skills While contenting myself with vicarious thrills Till the time has arrived when I don't need to work And I'm doing the job fearful owners will shirk. For a modest retainer I bed myself down In suburban locations, or sometimes in town Which the families fled to preserve their own lives When the husbands at last were convinced by their wives. And I'll care for the place while concocting a plan To evict all the 'tenants' just as soon as I can. All my methods are those that have worked in the past, From kind words to hard music that's of course set to blast. In response to your unspoken question I'll say That the ghosties occasionally come back to stay. Which is how come "retainer" is the word that was used And of gouging my clients I won't be accused.