Laura Dee Poet Rhyme

If You Really Knew Me

If you Really Knew Me
By Kevin Robey
Febraury 16, 2013

If you really knew me, you’d see through these lies
The smiles and laughs, can’t conceal my eyes
You won’t ask questions, you won’t suspect
You won’t see it coming, my final misstep

If you read this now, you know it’s true
Maybe there never was a me and you
So many times, I fall so hard
Don’t rise again, joy’s much too far

I wish I was stronger, but my mind is stuck
I made it this far, based solely on blind luck
I know you’d tell me, to take it easy
This upcoming part may make you queasy

Be kind, and notify my next of kin
Leave out the part of my final sin
Another one in line with many
Proof I was my own worst enemy 

Join me in my dark and twisted fantasy
Of opened wrists, my last reality
My breathing slows, as the crimson glistens
My thoughts are peaceful, lean in and listen

Let’s make this emo, and write a note
I’ll even throw in a depressing quote
Maybe goodbye, sorry, and such
You say I had it all, I say not so much

These medals and trophies seem to say
That I made the most of every day
The truth is I was simply biding my time
None of those moments were truly mine
 
You see everything, but I leave with nothing
Didn’t believe me, you accused me of bluffing
So see me now, as I bleed to the floor
Take time and read to me that final score

The end is here, the war is won
The battle is lost, but wasn’t it fun?
Torturous dreams and false realities
Were the only real friends to me

So it’s time to sign out
I promise not to shout
Sweep me under the rug
Let me go, I’ll pull the plug

The end is here, I’m so relieved
Despite of all I managed to achieve
Don’t cry for me, I’m finally happy
This is my last wish, my final plea

So I close my eyes for the final time
I think to the beauty in words that rhyme
My final exhale marks the final scene
Knowing nothing is ever, quite as it seems

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Just That Archaic Poet August 27, 2013 at 7:09 AM I related so much to the pain in your piece. As I've struggled with addiction (as I mentioned in my previous review of one of your poems), so have I struggled with suicidal ideations. You captured that hopeless state of mind well. My only real critique would be to iron out the wrinkles you have here and there with the rhythm, beat and flow of the piece, to make things match up a little better and lend some symmetry. But these little imperfections do not detract from the beauty and pain within :) Laura Dee August 28, 2013 at 5:49 AM thanks! and yeah that is good advice, reading over it again. I hope to publish something someday, and it would help to make things flow better. I guess some of these themes are difficult to revisit, so I stay away from editing some of these because of it. But that makes me want to look at these again and make them better. Thanks for the reviews! they really help

Gerald Kithinji July 30, 2013 at 4:38 AM I read it and re-read it. Very deep. (Just so I may feel relieved, the word in stanza 3 is 'queasy' not 'quesy'. Then 9th stanza- The battle 'is' lost... Just typos, I assume. But I know for you the war is won! And you've won my heart. Laura Dee July 30, 2013 at 7:45 AM LOLL yeah I"m so bad at spelling and editing. This happened to be one I didn't edit all that much, so thanks! and thanks for the feedback :)

Karissa Kelley July 23, 2013 at 2:11 PM Wow. Your 5th & 6th paragraph blew me away. Very touching and twisted..I feel like I relate to these emotions. Check out some of my writes, I think you may like them. Again, this was very well written and makes me think of my own crimson memories. Laura Dee July 24, 2013 at 5:55 PM Thanks! I appreciate that. I'll check out your stuff for sure :)

April Gabriella July 19, 2013 at 9:25 PM Wow, this is such a deep and thoughtful write. I love it. I love the way you wrote it and the feeling behind it. This is an excellent piece. My favorite stanza: These medals and trophies seem to say That I made the most of every day The truth is I was simply biding my time None of those moments were truly mine" Again I say Wow. Great, great stuff.