If I'D Been a Boy

If I’d been a boy when I was young, I would have put caps in my gun. I might’ve dug worms up to scare the girls, And laugh as they’d squeal or they’d run. My bicycle spokes would have baseball cards Wedged in tight so they’d snap as I rode; And I might’ve mixed chemicals in the sink, Just to see if by chance they’d explode. I’d bother my sister, undress all her dolls; Draw a mustache on some of her heroes. In school, I’d act stupid and horse around, Getting punished with glares or with zeros. I’d revel in sports and I’d run real fast In my cool PF Flyers or Keds; And if my report card had D’s or F’s, I’d hide it or rip it to shreds. If I’d been a boy, I’d have had a blast As a mischievous brother and son; But alas, as a girl, I was sweet and good And I guess I missed out on the fun!