Cindi Rockwell Poet Rhyme

Notes About The Poem

I have been away from the Soup too long! After my daughter was pronounced cancer-free after her last chemo last year, I started feeling poorly. Got so fatigued I couldn't even make a phone call, let alone enjoy or write poetry. I was diagnosed with two chronic, incurable auto-immune disorders. I jumped on again this weekend and saw it was suicide prevention month and there was a contest. I have been there, so I had to rally and make a contribution. Unfortunately, it is not Free Verse so does not qualify for contest, but I hope you will share it.

If I Had Known

IF I HAD KNOWN

If I had known what I know now
Could turn back time, erase somehow
My world would have a different view
Not black and white, some color, hue
If I had known.

If I had known it's not the end
When lover leaves you for a friend.
There's no safe place for you to hide,
And life's a broken theme park ride.
If I had known.

If I had known that given time
You can begin to heal, to climb
Up from the mire of deep despair
And find new life, and love, and care.
If I had known.

If I had known this tree could bloom
One thousand years, but for the doom
That left a noose's subtle stain
And family filled with endless pain.
If I had known.

If I had known this broken soul
Had any chance of being whole.
But 16-year-old hearts are sure:
There was no future and no cure.
If I had known. 

Instead I took my final stroll
Alone and crying, death my goal
And dangling lifeless from a tree
Never another day to see.
If I had known.

If I had known out there somewhere
Were people trained in such despair.
There is no shame in fighting on
Though pain returns most every dawn. 
If I had known.



Now YOU know. Please call the Suicide Hotline in the U.S. at: 800-273-8255 if you are considering harming yourself.

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James Inman December 5, 2017 at 7:52 PM Cindi, I'm sorry I missed this piece when you posted it. It is beautiful. If you are still visiting PS to read your comments, please know I wish you well and I'm happy to hear about your daughter. Have a lovely Christmas.

Hannah Borke September 25, 2017 at 4:40 PM Wishing you the best. You sponsored a contest in March that was not yet judged. I didn't enter but am looking forward to the results.