If I Can Redo the Last Moments With You

Alone in my room, with the lights dimmed low, I put my pen to the paper and then I begin Visions of chaos, I see. Screaming, crying, hands pushing papers off the desk, my mind doesn’t rest The video replays of our last moments together when I close my eyes and my hand writes my flows I can hear the conversation in my head when I got the phone call from my dad saying you were dead I sit still but things are flying, breaking and smashing in my membrane and I have lost it. I'm insane. I feel anger, rage, sadness, pain and regret because the last time we spoke I made you quite upset People talk about me as it echoes in the building, pointing their fingers of shame; I believe I’m to blame I released my burdens to you when you already had enough weight on your back and I can’t take it back I spoke of leaving my boyfriend due to domestic violence, I regret that I didn’t enjoyed you in silence I thought I would warn you so you don’t think differently of me, that perfect family I can no longer be The most important thing to you is family and I agree but I was afraid that you would look down on me Yet you wanted to take matters into your own hands and did not listen to me when I told you my plans