If I Can Redo the Last Moments With You

Alone in my room, with the lights dimmed low, I put my pen to the paper and then I begin
Visions of chaos, I see. Screaming, crying, hands pushing papers off the desk, 
my mind doesn’t rest 
The video replays of our last moments together 
when I close my eyes and my hand writes my flows 
I can hear the conversation in my head when I got the phone call from my dad 
saying you were dead 
I sit still but things are flying, breaking and smashing in my membrane 
and I have lost it. I'm insane.
I feel anger, rage, sadness, pain and regret 
because the last time we spoke I made you quite upset 
People talk about me as it echoes in the building, pointing their fingers of shame; 
I believe I’m to blame
I released my burdens to you when you already had enough weight on your back
 and I can’t take it back
I spoke of leaving my boyfriend due to domestic violence, 
I regret that I didn’t enjoyed you in silence 
I thought I would warn you so you don’t think differently of me, 
that perfect family I can no longer be
The most important thing to you is family 
and I agree but I was afraid that you would look down on me
Yet you wanted to take matters into your own hands 
and did not listen to me when I told you my plans

Copyright © Karamel Princess | Year Posted 2018

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