Ice To Eyes

Poet's Notes

(Show)

Become a Premium Member and post notes and photos about your poem like Gregory Richard Barden.

bare ... she stood blinking, arms out like a crooked crucifix, dangling fingers, as if waiting for a ring ... frozen flakes fell fat, and fatter, from what was once scorched azure breath - you'd think an eyelash could carry such a burden, yet one Chantilly crystal proved dire ... lid, clamped and sealed with surety, fast-melting snow, a-mix with tear and trickling ... no sooner had it reached her lip, than a gasp of sacred hopes, unspoken ... scattered it to the bitter wind, turning it back to ice, and a prayer ... sacrificed. ~ 2nd Place ~ in the "Strand Choice S Any Theme Any Form" Poetry Contest, Brian Strand, Judge & Sponsor.

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

John Watt

Date: 3/28/2020 11:50:00 AM

Greg, I loved reading this riddle wrapped in an enigma. Unanswered questions of the woman in the snow and her relationship with the writer poke the reader's curiosity, but the poetic subtleties also stoke a fellow writer's imagination. The water thread is particularly intriguing with snow on eyelash, tears on ice. What sacred hopes are unspoken and what of the ring she desires? A well-crafted cup left empty for the reader to pour in their own tale. Nice alliteration on line 5, too. Congrats!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/28/2020 4:28:00 PM

Jeez, John, you nailed it, and THIS is why I write - to initiate the imagination of the reader - to get those wheels spinning in crazy ways, for how boring is poetry that lays every detail down in complete clarity?? Thank you SO much for this incredible comment, for you are one of the few people I know who GETS that concept and appreciates it ... creating that hunger in the reader for MORE ...

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/28/2020 4:28:00 PM

(2) ... I have my own story behind this, but it could be a thousand stories, and THAT'S what I'm trying to instill. It's been a long time since anyone even cared, and your detailed comments are appreciated more than you know. The unanswered questions and imaginative spins are what creativity and imagination is about for me, but it seems many have lost that desire. Thank you so much, my friend - this made my day! :o)

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 10/18/2019 11:46:00 AM

An interesting write, dear Greg!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 10/21/2019 2:05:00 AM

Talk about too much information, lol ... sorry. ;o)

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 10/19/2019 1:39:00 AM

(2) Why is she standing naked in the snow, and why in that pose? Why the tears and the offense to the snow on her eyelids? Why has she lost all hope? Why is there a freeze where it was once very hot? Why the dangling fingers? There IS a whole story there, but one for the reader to TRY to put together! Blessings, Dear Poet! :o) <3

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 10/19/2019 1:33:00 AM

(1) Thanks so much, Kim ... I love to write these "moments", where a picture is painted of something curious and weighty, yet the story that surrounds it, (before-and-after), is left up to the reader's imagination. I always have a clear context in my head, but try to shed that for the sake of leaving it ... open-ended. (continued)

Chris Green

Date: 10/18/2019 7:28:00 AM

Wow Greg, that was dark and chilling. Such a creative piece, I am impressed. Really cool.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 10/19/2019 1:30:00 AM

Oh, thank you so much, Chris, that means a lot to me ... blessings, My Friend! :-)