Ice Cream Gran 8 - Journey To the Centre of the Oeuf

Gran glared at the general. ‘So tell me where we’re at What’s a chicken got to do with me and Nitro Cat?’ ‘That chicken,’ said the general, ‘has laid a special egg It’s got a micro chip in it, I’m not pulling your leg ‘If we just leave it in there, then as far as we’ve been told In about a week that egg is going to explode. We understand that other eggs laid all over the county Will all explode in unison unless we pay a bounty.’ Turbo Gran said, ‘I presume we can’t just make an omelette Or you would not need me to help dispose of that there bomblet.’ The general said, ‘if anyone should fracture that thin shell All the eggs would detonate and send us all to hell. ‘But we do have a plan for you and for that van of yours We want to shrink you down so you can sneak in through it’s pores.’ Turbo said, ‘I’m five foot nothing in my stocking feet And no-one’s shrinking me down, but we could do something neat ‘If you simply change your plan and make that egg enormous Then I can get in through it’s pores whilst I’m five feet and gorgeous.’ The general said, ‘That just might work, it seems we have a plan We’ll get that French hen’s egg to grow as quickly as we can.’ Gran said, ‘I’ve swum the ocean and I’ve flown in outer space, I never thought I’d have to show a French hen’s egg its place. So, I shall seek that microchip for all that I am worth So here begins my journey to the centre of the Oeuf.’ * In a hidden hanger crammed with wires, knobs and dials Everything stood ready after very many trials Thankfully, no slips up meant they magnified no mouse That Hen’s egg was now bigger than a very fancy house Turbo nudged the pedal so that Speedy-Van crept forward She hoped the size of Speedy-Van would not make entry awkward The van squeezed through a pore and Granny looked out for the yolk And wondered what it’s like to live like ordinary folk When Granny slammed the brakes on it was in the face of danger This was unexpected and an absolute game changer Nitro Cat surveyed the scene and, were he not a cat, He’d likely have said something like, ‘Well, take a look at that!’ Armed forces all around the world may soon have met their match For what they saw was angry… and was just about to hatch A thirty eight foot chick will hatch and then begin to feed But somehow granny knew that it would not be seeking seed! She saw the microchip strapped to explosives in its beak And a booby trap, built in, meant her plan would need a tweak If its beak should close, a lethal circuit that would make Then Nitro Cat meowed and handed Gran a giant flake * Speedy raced out of the egg, the bomb, defused, on board Gran yelled through her window, ‘Shrink that egg, or meet your Lord!’ Too late: The egg’s shell fractured and the soldiers all stepped back The beast still held the flake that kept its beak open a crack The mega chick just cocked its head and once or twice it blinked It turned its head to glare at gran and then it kinda winked It made a squawking sound because at least it couldn't speak And then it shook its head to fling the flake clear of its beak ‘It’s like a feathered dinosaur, it really should be dead,’ Said the soldier, just before the giant hatchling pecked his head It lumbered from its shell case on its clumsy newfound feet And took its toll of soldiers that it clearly meant to eat Then Turbo Gran said, ‘When I saw it, I thought “what the Dickens?” That butt ugly creature wasn't spawned by any chickens I think the intel that you got was just a little murky That thing you call a chicken is in actual fact… a turkey ‘But be it chicken, be it turkey, I’ve a change of plan,’ She turned and called to Nitro Cat, still sitting in the van ‘Every turkey lives in fear of one God-awful date So be so kind to play for us, our jingle number eight.’ Soon, ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas’, started playing loud The ugly chick was shivering, though recently so proud It staggered back toward its shell and after some contortions The beam that Granny fired brought it back to chick proportions * The general said, ‘You’ve saved us once again, old Turbo Gran It’s clear that when our world needs saving, you’re the one who can.’ She said ‘I had some helpers but I think you should be told, If we’re to work together, then a bit less of the “old”.’