I Whispered Lightly As a Rose

I whispered lightly as a rose To grease my oily bagpipe, And sniffing with her hairy nose A dwarf flew into sight. ‘Pull down your flabby chopsticks, man.’ She ordered like a waiter, And lowering my name to Stan Got on all fours to cater. ‘I am Dame Doris Chucklebum.’ She laughed but half an inch. ‘I like things that are rarely done.’ Then stroked me with a pinch. ‘Take back thy sweaty chollocks, love.’ I pleaded like a pro, And with a hefty boxing glove Took on the lady so. It lasted less than half a tick, Less if you counted slow. And with a little knowing trick Fled fleeing on the go. ‘Come back! Don’t go!’ she wept with ploy, ‘I’ll change like Whitney Whopper.’ Enjoying but a little joy And playing with her chopper.