I Was So Lost

Poet's Notes

(Show)

Become a Premium Member and post notes and photos about your poem like Marilyn S Jennings.

My words cannot fully express what I feel about
my God and Savior. How can we... it seems that
they fall considerably short. But, I owe everything
to Him and have given Him everything and all of
the Love that He has put in my heart for Him.
God bless.

I Was So Lost

I had been raised in church but a religious church.
They did acknowledge there was a God but
His Son was pictured as dead upon a cross.  This
was the picture that I carried all during my younger
days and until I was 29 years old.   I was so shocked
to learn that He was living and that He did rise
from the dead and He was alive again and is coming
soon!

When we would go to church I used to think the Priest
was God.  I remember going to confession as a child
and making up things to confess because I did not 
know what all to say or I really did not know what 
were sins and what wasn’t a sin.

When I was 17 I ran away from home and
got married.  That marriage lasted almost 20
years.  We were not in trouble but I did not
believe that my mother wanted me so more
than anything else it was an escape.

When I think back when I was a young child
I was as normal as any other child but when 
I became a young adult then I knew or began
to know that something truly was missing from
my life but what?

Oh how I longed to be wanted and really loved.
I longed to be needed and I wanted so much to
be a good mother and to raise my four children to
be responsible adults. So one day I decided to start 
taking my children to church so I took them to a 
Catholic church in our town. Then I began attending
a young women’s meeting at church where I met a lot of 
young mothers like me.  Also I met a young woman who 
had been studying to be a nun but instead had married  
and had four children.  She asked me to come to her home
for lunch and to bring my youngest child with me so he and
her child could play together.  Our other children were in 
school at this time.

My friend began to talk to me about this Jesus and
inside I was thinking, does she not know that He is
dead!  But she kept talking to me about Him like He
was alive and gave me a book to read about knowing Jesus and
being filled with His Holy Spirit and it was called the
Holy Spirit and You.  I devoured that book and
after the kids were in bed and their dad was at
work I would kneel down at my bed and ask this
God into my heart night after I night I would do
this without any change in my life.  I finally came to
the conclusion that He did not want me so I finally
gave up.  One day when she asked us up for lunch
again she asked me Marilyn would you like to
ask Jesus into your life?  And I told her well I think
maybe that He does not want me Chris”.  She said why
would you think that?  I said because I have asked 
Him many times and I do not feel any different so I
thought He did not come in when I asked Him to.  She 
asked did you believe that He came in when you
asked Him?  I said, oh you have to do that to?
And when I realized that He did come in the first
time I asked Him then the changes began in my
life.  It was like He turned my life right side up and
He took away the darkness and brought His light!

Not long after that I began to seek the Baptism in
the Holy Spirit now, that was a quest for sure.  Again
every night that the kids were in bed and my husband
was at work, I would kneel down at the bed and ask
Him to fill me with His Spirit then I would, don’t
laugh now, hold onto my bed frame so I would not
fly around the room.  You talk about being ignorant
about the things of the Lord!  Yes, but I was so hungry
for Him.  It was like I had been starving my whole life
and when I found out why; I wanted everything of Him
that was available!  Oh, my God was so loving and patient
with me.  

Not long after I started seeking for the Holy Spirit, I was in the
hospital with a blood clot in my left leg from a surgery and
the blood was shut off in my leg.  My friend came to see me
and I asked her if she could speak in tongues just any time
and she said yes.  I said, would you do it now?  She laid her
hand upon my head and began to pray in tongues and I
knew when I heard it that it was God!  That night the Lord
filled me with His Spirit in my sleep.  When I woke up the
next morning the colors in the room were all brighter and
everyone that came to see me in the hospital I told about 
Jesus.  I drove more people off that day but, the Lord replaced
my old friends with new friends.  When I got home from the hospital  
I began to speak in tongues and I led my four children to the 
Lord and three of them were filled with the Holy Ghost in ages
11, 9, 6,  only the four year old didn’t receive right then but hez
has now. 

The Lord has cultivated my life which had been sad and
lonely but now He has filled it with joy!  As a baby Christian 
He began using me to pray and intercede for others and used
me in a healing and deliverance ministry but really for over
40 years He has used me as a prayer warrior as well. My God 
was so loving and kind with me, yet firm and He helped
me to grow up in Him mentally and spiritually and I even have 
become an ordained minister of the Gospel along with my second
husband.

The greatest part of this testimony of my life is that if He did
it for me I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, He can do it
for you!

God bless, 

Written by:  Marilyn S. Jennings
July 2018

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.