Kerry Bernatchez Poet Free verse

I Was Promised Nirvana

Oh! to sustain a semblance of decorum
To hold in my head the calm I compromised,
The nirvana I deserve.

But unholy thoughts vaporize out of my red, pointy ears.
I reach for the hand of a man, fingers lacing remnants of lost youth.
I receive nought but the empty grasp of broken word strings.
I am garroted, grief stricken, gurgling in my own greedy desires.

I was promised nirvana
But I burned in place
I became the rage
I purged the stain
I cleansed the spirit
One final flame
I was promised nirvana
But I gave it a name

I had mountains.
I had scales.
Ranges to discover.
But he was never able to cross over.
To my realm
He left me to linger, to languish.
To rot away in oblivion, while he traverses the earth
With his trinkets and pearls for another love
Another heart.

I was promised nirvana
But I built my own
I soared through scars
I danced alone
I sealed the pages
I broke the stone
I was promised nirvana
But I made it my home

I do not need it.
He does.
I am already beyond the archive.
I am done reading the pain, giving it the time and space it required.
Now free from the bindings. Pages fly in the air. Around my frame.
I lick the pages sealed.

I was promised nirvana
But I molted through flame
I do not fester
I do not remain
I morph, I rise
I break the chain
I was promised nirvana
And I claimed the name

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