I Was Not Sick, She Was
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It was not until my mid 40s that I put it all together. The humiliation and drama and endless craziness with my mother. You see, my older sister died of leukemia at age 3 when I was 1.
6 months later I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. ( I don't have CF, thats confirmed by genetics and by a full pulmonary workup).
My mother was a victim of extreme spousal abuse. And she became mentally ill and spent her life telling the story of "me". And how I was so very sick and going to die. ( except I was not so very sick and I was not dying).
And as I got older, larger, healthier and grew to 6 ft tall, as I reached young adulthood her harassment of me reached a crescendo.
Its called munchausen by proxy, and I was the proxy. My mother employed my sibs, friends, family to police everything I did to "keep me safe"..
I am a maverick. I saved myself. ( and yes I had lots of therapy). I am just now starting to talk about it publically.
A cage not of your making
your own expiration date
Your mother branded you with it
and made you wear it even to date
It was announced at family dinners
with strangers in the room
It was told to every family friend
of my own impending doom
How it made me feel was not considered
not given a meager thought
She just had to get that out there
because it was important and fraught
And then when I grew older and objected
she did it on the sly
Took aside my companions
and injected them with her sick dye
I was told I should never have children
I was told I should avoid many things in life
She colored my world and put me in box
and invaded my personal space causing strife
Till I ran away across several states
and she came to fetch me back
And then there was a kind of truce
as she knew I could leave and be free
And I also knew it, so I worked at emancipating me
So she instead worked on my boyfriends filling them full of lies
And I stopped bringing anyone home
and I lived completely outside
And I started a professional life and never again did the two meet
and she was not able to control my life again nor even make a peep
and then I had some peace.
The kicker? I was not sick, she was, but I was too young to know.
Artimus 9/23/23 9:25AM (C) Susan Manley
Copyright © Susan Manley | Year Posted 2023
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