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I Want To Be Someone's First Choice

I want to be someone’s first choice not their second runner up prize, I want to be the trophy that they’re after the one they can’t look away from with their eyes
I want to stand up on that stage and wear my sash and crown, I want to be admired by you in my beautiful sequined gown
I want you to want me the way that you once did, I want to be the one that receives the roses that you give 
I want you to judge us for all that you see, and in the end, I truly hope that you will pick me

Here we stand it’s down to us two, just me and her trying to win the title of your love the one that will be with you
You look into our eyes and I think to myself this is it I can win, he told me that he loved my eyes way back when
He told me that there were no other eyes that he would ever want to look into, but then he takes his off me and starts to look at you
He places me in his arms where he said that I belonged, that he had missed me being in them so much, but I guess that he was wrong

Because now it’s your turn and his arms are wrapped around you, and it appears that you fit into them so well like they were meant for you
I silently stand there and just cringe, wondering to myself why is he doing this to me? I’m supposed to be with him
Then the questions come, and I know the answers that he seeks, I was the one that talked him back from the ledge so long ago when he was hanging on by the brink
Of his insanity when he thought he had no reason to go on, I was the one that brought him back and showed him he wasn’t alone

So, he asks but one single question as he looks at us two, and you get to respond first because he was first in love with you
He asks an honest question as he looks into your eyes, he says “Why do you love me? Tell me why”
Your response is simple, but it seems to do the trick, because when you are finished, he can barely speak
He then turns to me and he asks me the same, and in that moment, I know I am going to be forever changed

I open my mouth to give him my reply and as I do a tear starts to fall from my eye, I tell him “I love you because my heart doesn’t know how not to, is this the response that you wanted? I’m sorry but it’s the truth”
“I have loved you since I laid eyes on you since the first time, I heard your voice speak, without you in my life I am incomplete”
You stand there speechless and I can’t read you anymore, was my response enough to win? I can’t be sure
So, I wait for the ballot to be read for my fate to be sealed, and as I stand there beside of you, I think to myself this can’t be real

If I lose him again what will become of me? I can’t not be enough again, he must choose me
So, I stand there and then my name is called, is this it, am I about to win it all?
I step to the center of the stage and listen as you speak, you tell me that I played a good game but now it’s time for me to leave
I stand there speechless as I start to cry, and I walk away to congratulate her as I pass by

I tell her congratulations on your win, and I watch as you hand her the scepter and crown and think to myself, you’ll never truly have him
So, I slowly walk away as the curtain begins to fall and the noises subside, and all that I can hear is my own heart breaking and the sobs from the tears that I have cried
I stand there as you kiss my cheek and graze my hand, and I look into your eyes pleading with you to understand
That I wanted to be your first, the one you hold in your eyes, but I guess to you I’m nothing and never will be anything but the runner up prize.


This poem is from my book titled Broken Music, Silent Heart available on Amazon and Kindle. My pen name is Amanda Carroll Kinzer

Copyright © Amanda Kinzer | Year Posted 2019

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Caren Krutsinger Date: 1/6/2020 11:15:00 AM Gorgeously done, full of heartfelt sentiment. Login to Reply Amanda Kinzer Date: 1/10/2020 7:14:00 AM Thank you Caren.

Na Na Date: 12/17/2019 5:23:00 PM This is beautiful Amanda. The whole story keeps the reader deep into the write. Thanks for sharing this Login to Reply Amanda Kinzer Date: 12/17/2019 5:27:00 PM Awe thank you Gregory! I always appreciate your kind words! You're an excellent writer and poet so hearing this from you I hold in high regards! Thank you again!

Chris Green Date: 12/17/2019 3:21:00 PM Very beautifully written with the saddest of endings. I could feel the loneliness flowing through this piece, the desire to be seen, noticed and maybe admired. Always reaching only to find another grabbing all of the spotlight. I really enjoyed this. Login to Reply Amanda Kinzer Date: 12/17/2019 3:25:00 PM Oh thank you so much Chris for your kind words. I'm glad these words touched you and you could feel the emotions that I was trying to convey. And yes you are right about what you said. :) Always reaching only to find another grabbing the spotlight. Thank you so much I am glad that you enjoyed this.