I Want Me Back

I want me back. I search for the pieces to a me I used to be. motivated. courageous. strong. a glimmer of hope that I'm still alive somewhere. where did I go? Where've I been all along? This independent person that used to be me. I didn't need arms to comfort my heart. Where did this person go? I only see pieces of a part. My reflection doesn't even look like me. it looks lovesick and consumed with fear. Where did the pretty reflection go? I can hear the devil snicker and sneer. I've fallen to my knees many a nights. I've soaked my sheets with tears. I've called out. prayed. practically begged. Give me strength. remove these fears. I've prayed for signs. any warning to drive me away. I've prayed for sunshine. a rainbow of hope. Anything to tell me. this is wrong. turn back. But my heart said hang on. and it threw me a rope. You can't give up on this. It's too amazing and feels so warm on your skin. But now i beg my heart for answers. when did the sunshine hide and the cloudy days begin? Where did i go? I beg the answer to be told. How did i become so submissive and tolerate the intolerable? How did I so easily let the wool slip over my eyes. Why so easily can I accept answers. When my heart knows they are lies. where did this me emerge from? Scars of past hurt and mistrust and belief? When did I become so weak? Maybe this crumbling will become a relief. I want the former me back. The audacious, courageous red-headed woman, ready to conquer the world. I want the former me back. The ambitious, dream filled, pony-tailed little girl. I want the former me back. The one that never cried herself to sleep. I want the former me back. The one who's heart was her own to keep. I want the former me back. The daddy's little girl. the one who braved new beginnings, and was ready to face this world.