I Realize
Deep inside of my mind
My emotions are ripping and tearing me apart
There seems to be no solace
No silence
No good
Feeling unwanted and used
I try to understand
what it was
That ended it all
My lack of self worth?
My unwilling to trust?
My unwilling to love?
Me, unwilling to believe
Anything good and safe will come?
The complete and utter lack of caring
For my happiness and self worth
Is horribly unsettling
How could such a thing
Totally ruin a way of living
Both in solitude and socializing
what awful trauma happened
To make me longer care
I feel empty and cold
But with a warm thin blanket of inner lies
When the blanket finally uncovers
it seems that the lies keep me sane
But because of lies revealing themselves
i have to stand up and face them
Shoulders firm, fists clenched
And start to over analyze myself
Pick apart every emotion or feeling
That I have ever felt or known.
What happened to me
That makes me this way
And then I realize....
Copyright © Lisa Green | Year Posted 2006
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