I Loved You, I Love Me More

I used to love you
More than I loved myself
But our love took a dark turn
I cared for you, lied for you
Even stood in front of a bullet
I would have died for you
Without a second thought
See,
There's grave danger in putting someone else before you
Because it means you always take the backseat
My wants, my needs
Were put on freeze
So that I could live to please
You
You found yourself overwhelmed
Because no other female
Ever poured such tender, love and affection into you
Our relationship took a dive too deep
And you became fearful of a future
That you did not want or need
You wanted to be free
Instead of being tied down to me
So,
You found solace
In experimentation
You had a fixation
With trying something new, someone different
So you suggested that we just be friends
But instead,
You toyed with my emotions
And continued to flirt with the idea of a future with me
I soon learned,
It was all just manipulation
Just a tease
So you could invest in other females
While keeping a tight leash on me
You should have let me be
But you could not exist in this world
Knowing that another man was doing the job
You were supposed to do
So you denied the truth
Instead of saying goodbye
You lied,
Forced me to cry myself to sleep at night
Only to be drawn in by your power again
And again
And again
Until you threw dirt on me
For the last time
Your tongue uttered the last lie
And I was done
The monster I became because I was engulfed by this misery
Put me to shame
So consumed by this life
I treated my own life, my heart, my emotions
Like It was a game
But I had nothing to Gain
Except the inability to recognize myself in the mirror
Now that he is gone
I can see myself a lot clearer
And I stand to proclaim
Yes, I loved him
With all of my heart
But now that I finally put me first
I can part with the past
And love me
Alas

Copyright © Kapree Tripp | Year Posted 2019

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