Caren Krutsinger Poet Prose Poetry

I Laughed Like a Fire Truck

I began to laugh but caught it in mid air
remembering this was my first Christmas without my mother
I have had eleven months of not laughing
Why start now?

What is the matter? A friend asked. Not having any idea.
For her mother is alive and well, at the next table.
Even people who have lost their mothers do not get it
Because their mother was not my mother.

How long are you going to punish yourself? My muse wondered.
She is getting tired of this determination to be sad.
We did not kill my mother.
Bone cancer did.

Something else happened, and it was amazingly funny.
I began to laugh and could not stop. I laughed like a fire truck engine.
People in the restaurant stared. There were tears flying out of my eyes.
I looked like a clown on speed. 

I did not care. 
Sometimes the best times are the ones 
that help hide your real feelings.
This was one of those slivers of a silver moments.

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Ann Gilmour November 14, 2020 at 4:25 PM I feel the same about my dear son, who died just a year ago. Then suddenly an image comes into my mind and brings warmth to my heart, a tear to my eyes and a smile to my soul. Thank you Caren. With kindest thoughts Ann xx Caren Krutsinger November 14, 2020 at 6:45 PM Thank you Ann. Grief is strange. It keeps biting you at unexpected times.

Malabika Ray Choudhury November 13, 2020 at 5:40 PM Hi Caren, this is so touching! "Because their mother was not my mother" - how much love, how much sadness, how much you miss her - have been expressed in this one line! Take care, Caren. Mala Caren Krutsinger November 14, 2020 at 6:46 PM Thank you Malaria. I appreciate it.