I Just Can'T Win

My wife said our sex life, ”Is always the same…” “You need to spice things up, and rekindle our flame” So I got onto the net and researched lots of stuff I took tons of notes and soon…I had enough I went to “Trickie’s Tricks” with a list a mile long I even skipped around, humming a naughty little song So my wife came home from work and entered the scene I sported a mankini and mask…she started to scream I chased with a feather in one hand and whip in the other She dashed from the room, crying loudly for her mother She slipped on the rose petals…the candles fell to the floor I reached for massage lotion as she darted out the door She left me hot and bothered, much to my chagrin Whatever I do, I feel I just can’t win! So next time… I’ll ignore her rebuffs Tomorrow night, I’ll whip out the cuffs