I Had a Martini: Ok, Maybe Four

It'd been one of the most bizarre days; downright crazy so I had a martini, maybe four, so things got kinda hazy I fumbled in my wallet so I could pay my pricey bar tab Friends thought I had too many, so they put me in a cab I stumbled up the steps. It seems walking was a chore Couldn't find my key, so I tried beating down the door Her screeches of "Where the bloody hell have ya been?" Pounded in my head, making me sorry that I'd come in. She hissed, then off to the kitchen she foolishly prattled With horrendous noises, pots and pans were being rattled My head was sorely throbbing so I begged her to be quiet She screamed, "Don't yell at me! Blame your liquid diet!" She banged a bowl of something down on the table cloth. I weaved my way to a chair as my mouth began to froth Put my head in my hands when the room started spinning Caught a glimpse of that evil woman. Yeah, she was grinning A mound of muck she'd plunked down right in front of me looked like it should still be swimming in the salty sea It smelled vile and disgusting... nauseatingly atrocious I gagged and turned away, that's when Liz became ferocious I couldn't move an inch to find my way back to the couch I was a brick, held by mortar. My wife was being a grouch but I couldn't find the strength to flee. I felt far too dizzy My turn to shout, "Can you just stop your naggin', Lizzie?" I didn't mean to say it, and my words came out so slurred My vision was fuzzy. Everything was clouded and blurred Something was staring up at me while awful music played That's when I saw green heads and grew appallingly afraid Whether fantasy or reality, frogs had escaped from a pond These were fugly creatures. From evil they'd been spawned I was being serenaded by a quartet of deep croaking voices So suffers the drunken man while his heartless wife rejoices I crawled to bed when I couldn't take the harmony any more Lizzie punched me and said, "Wake up if you're gonna snore." I tripped down the stairs, woke the dog and made him bark Left the wife and found a bench to sleep it off in the park