I feel

I feel.
I feel like I ripped my heart out and gave it to you. As long as you hold it, it will keep beating. 

The only problem is you now have my heart and that part of me is missing when you’re not here with me. I’m dying without you. It’s not fair on us. It’s not fair that I took you apart either. 

You were lost and I lead you astray. We followed the moon and went a bit crazy. The stars were out and I was passed out leaving you alone when you needed me most. 

You always put on a brave face but I see the truth behind those eyes. This is not easy for us because of what we both really want. We are still on our quest to belong. Every time you walk away I still felt safe because I know you had my back and I have yours. I’ll always have your back you know, always and forever, just like I told you. 

I never stopped loving you, even when you were on the other side of the world. I love you, I have told you that so many times and you have told be back. If I didn’t get lost maybe I could have found the way back and you would have been there. I wish I was stronger for us both. 

Part of me is dying, part of me had just being born again, part of me makes up what’s in my head, I’m trying to figure this out but nothing makes sense anymore. I was never good at figuring this out alone. 

You know I wanted so much more for us both, I don’t know how to make love stay. Tears fall because it hurts, the world is painful without you. I haven’t cried for a year but I’m losing it without you. I’m sorry that I got lost but you know I was never good at knowing the way, all I’ve ever known is where I wanted to be. I take a lot of wrong turns. I fell down and you can’t pick me up, that’s not either of our faults. Life got so ing complicated and so quickly, I feel dizzy. Where was I going with this…

Do you remember what I said to you ten years ago?… I told you that I wanted to fall in love with you…. The truth is, 
I had no choice in that… 

And, I was already in love with you…

I need to be kinder to myself. You need to be kinder to yourself. I am not perfect. I make mistakes, I’m trying to learn from them, I’m trying to grow. Be kind to yourself, you are incredible.

Copyright © Paul Olivier | Year Posted 2025

Please Login to post a comment