I Envy You Oh Father

I envy You Father Heavenly I really do , You made the world and you did rest now i am crying here what i can do best just cry and little laugh and smile again why cant i be like you in rest ? I am so tired of this life many times i was since i was maybe 12 i wanted to go somewhere faraway where sun goes down to follow it , to never let the night come because... maybe... maybe sometimes living was fun . So i followed the sun from east to west now i wanna rest i really like to rest , monotony of tears and struggle the same thinking what now where will i end ? In heaven or hell or at least on Your heaven stairs as you know i am moving it might be a Broadstairs or Eastbourne or somewhere far the best if it was somewhere above stars where Heaven is Yours and earth down below this time here runs once fast once slow . I really need a break from it all from all the worries the pain the regrets , the tears and headaches from the cry.. I miss You Father dear please may i die? :)