Home » Poems » Joe Flach » I Don'T Have a Drinking Problem

I Don'T Have a Drinking Problem

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.

So I go to the neighborhood bar
Start with a whiskey and beer chaser
Every one of them that I belt down
Acts like a problem eraser.
All my troubles disappear
Then I fall off of the stool
I don’t see
    What the problem can be
        So, what’s the matter with you?

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.

So I go to the neighborhood bar
And put down a pint or ten
Soon all the old biddies there
Start looking beautiful again
I start flirting with the ladies
Must of’m older than me Mum
Then I pinch all the lasses
    Upon their big asses
        And get tossed out on me bum.

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.

So, I go to the neighborhood bar
Where I drink all day and night
My beer muscles start growing stronger
And I go looking for a fight
My slurred words start the trouble
My pushing eggs it on some more
I get punched in the eye
    And in my reply
        My face hits on the floor

I don’t have a drinking problem
I drink til I get drunk
Then I stumble home
    Where I live all alone
        And I diddle my own junk.
I don’t have a drinking problem
The problem is you see
When I am sober
    I look the world over
        And the world has a problem with me.

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Kathryn Collins

Date: 12/19/2013 9:28:00 AM

Are you a brother Clancy? Or are we going a little deeper than that. I love the repetition of I don't have a drinking problem. Here's to ya. love, Kathy

Melissa Lane-Morgan

Date: 6/13/2013 11:38:00 PM

cool poem..i hear a jingle when I read it. nice job

Abdulhafeez Oyewole

Date: 5/20/2013 9:02:00 AM

Excellent! Many Congrats to you. AO

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 5/18/2013 9:15:00 PM

Joe Congratulations!! a very xool pub song poem... it was a joy coming back here to read all of Cyndi's expression of raising the roof winning poem... hugs and more hugs.. :-) ~ Linda

Skat A

Date: 5/15/2013 11:28:00 AM

Joe, the poem sounds like fun. Congratulations with your pub song. ~SKAT~

John Posey

Date: 4/21/2013 10:39:00 AM

I drink just enough to try and sing harmony to anything spontaneously offered up. See ya at the bar. Lock up your women.... Ole Jake is on the loose.... Great write, my friend.... Jake