I Can'T Understand
They say seek understanding,
but what if
you're the last one standing.
When their presence alone
ignites fear in your bones.
The way personalities shift
is a curse,
not a gift.
I do not understand,
does that make me bad?
I don't want to,
it shouldn't be something I have to do.
It makes my mind
spin
and spin.
The worst scenarios
in my head,
the worst of sins.
I know it's just as hard for them,
but i feels like
I'm banging at the door
and they won't let me in.
I'm stuck on high alert,
my desire to be empathetic is inert.
At heart I'm an introvert.
I hate to feel like
I'm in this cage,
rattling with rage,
because on the inside
I'm afraid.
What's been done to me,
can't be reversed,
the pain I feel
honestly hurts.
I'm someone who needs an exit plan,
somewhere where
I can dip my toes in the sand.
Don't sit and watch me stumble,
reach down
and give me a hand.
I don't want your indifference
or a solution that's on the fence.
I require reassurance
the devil & I no longer dance.
I won't wreck myself,
but I really do need some help.
I don't particularly enjoy
the cards I've been dealt,
they leave me wondering,
"What the hell?"
I refuse to bow down,
but I'll change my surroundings
to escape the sound.
Don't worry too much,
damned if I end up right
about my hunch,
it's all about to go south
and before that happens
I want out.
I'm irritated,
I'm far from situated,
all those sayings are outdated.
It's my choice,
to chose my type of noise.
I refuse to listen,
because there is little to no reason.
I know I'm crazy,
please don't hate me,
but know that I'm entitled
to my own opinion.
I don't understand,
forgive me if that's sinning.
Written in regards to being triggered by someone who acted much like my abusve ex.
Copyright © Nikki Pruitt | Year Posted 2022
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