I Am Not Me

I wake up everyday I feel like a different person Maybe that sounds clichè But not for someone with bipolar Every episode indicates who am I Who have I been through all these years? Was I just the funny, energetic girl everyone loved to see? Or was it just the hypomanic episodes consuming me I don’t know who I am anymore or who I will be I feel like from my diagnosis my life has been taken away from me Every episode of depression is falling into a hole of despair The worst are the mixed episodes that love to scare They come and sneak up on you and you can’t figure what’s really there Is it euphoria? Or are you just simply in a good mood? Is it depression? Or are you just simply having a bad day? Every time I hear about a joke on bipolar the lump in my throat clumps in a ball I can’t run away Because I don’t have bipolar I’m just an energetic person with a couple of bad days It all seems fake The smile on my face Because I will crash anyways And when I do No one will save me, but the arms of Bipolar begging me to stay I can’t deny So I just stay