How's That Again

How’s That Again? Actual newspaper headlines taken from http://www.alphadictionary.com/fun/headlines.html Poem constructed by Elton Camp A headline writer had the following to say: “Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday” The image produced we have to pardon: “Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden” Of other associations, have no fears: “Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures” I didn’t expect this to happen so soon: “Dealers will Hear Car Talk at Noon” In storing his tools the man was so lax: “Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax” Want to see this myself: “Eye Drops Off Shelf” What a shock to his spouse: “Farmer Bill Dies in House” I wonder if old granny though this was fun: “Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One” A statement this obvious will make the reader smile: “If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly it May Last a While” So to have greater charms: “Iraqi Head Seeks Arms” What possibly could answering this gain us? “Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?” The justice system can be transcendent: “Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant” If you decide to test it, better be stealthy: “Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy” It’s a more effective than them just being talkers: “Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers” Folks like this, starvation can never slaughter: “Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water” In modesty, please keep her well draped: “Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped” In a careless newspaper this headline was read: “Reagan Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead” Surely his neck holds up his rosary: “Robber Holds up Albert’s Hoisery” Though losing her leg left the woman in a fix: “Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66” This surely would put their work into a deficiency: “Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency” It’s hard to see how it could really be any other way: “Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say” This feat I’d also much like to see: “Stolen Painting Found by Tree” Surely, ethics such forbids: “Teacher Strikes Idle Kids” You mean it didn’t increase? “War Dims Hope for Peace” For her, the meal couldn’t be merry: “William Kelly was Fed Secretary” I plan to write another poem like this So please check back so as not to miss