How To Rob a Bank

We went shopping The misses and me And afterwards we went To our favourite café for a tea The misses decided She wanted to visit her brother Jim She said “Since we in town, “I have somefink to give to him” So off we go to the bank That’s where he works His a no body Just one of many clerks We approach the counter Me misses says “I wanna see Jim” “Tell him it’s his sister” “And I have somefink for ‘im” “By the way, she says “He should have a parcel for me” The manager behind the counter said “Jim is out to lunch you see” “Well said me misses give him this She pulled out a potato peeler The manager’s eyes open He seemed a bit of a Sheila He quickly turned around And gave me misses a parcel But wouldn’t take the potato peeler The stupid **** hole Off we went back home I slumped in the chair and watched some TV Later the misses brought the parcel And sat next to me She open the bag And all of a sudden a loud exploding sound I thought me misses was killed From the wet splatters all around I looked at her What a sight Her face and arms were evenly coated orange Which, boy, gave me an even bigger fright I looked down in the bag It was filled with money Covered in a bright orange dye My throat dried, this was not funny Moments later a knock on the door Me misses answers and voices say we arresting you for theft You have orange dye on you So we need to search the house, step to the left I peep out, there, A bloody police van Me misses says you will do no such thing This is fake tan She reaches in her bag Out come a bottle of orange fake tan The police apologies And off they go in their van The CCTV tapes they probe Blank And arrest the manager For an inside job For a whole month I stayed at home washing me orange spots I managed to fade them And got a sick note for chicken pox.