How To Do It
Do it without trying
Begin by swinging from chandeliers when home
Wear matching multicolored harlequin costumes
Equip yourselves with harmonicas and bazookas
Keep lubricants and trampolines near by for safety
Practice lunar landings in your room
Resume your activities in the great outdoors
Do sex in a car when speeding
Bring a partner or spare tire if desired
Avoid police if so inclined
Drive eighty miles an hour at all times
Watch out for sharp curves if they object
Narrow mountain roads are watching
Keep one eye on the road while inserting
Headlights and moon glow set the mood
Never use puppets when in an auto
Open highways are open to suggestion
Mating should only occur in flight
Eat oysters raw when in the air
Climb to greater heights by sneezing
Use Airplanes for best results
Jump from wing to wing
Wear a parachute and a pirates patch
Use only one to avoid catastrophes
Take lessons from cartoons
To find out who you are
Leave farm animals and zoo creatures alone
Plants and vegetables are out of the equation
Milking a cow is taboo too… Don't do it!
Wear rubber gloves if you must
Position yourselves to be lazy
In opposite directions as instructed
Never have sex face to face
Back to back is better
Jump on the bed for comfort
Apparatuses are optional for you and amateurs
Avoid them at all cost
They cost too much
Watch out for babies! (They snore)
Never run them over of course
It's against the law
And down right crazy
Such activity could lead to divorce
Pregnancy can be fun
Instructions are on the dashboard
But first you must buy or rent a car
Before you floor it
-Final Notice-
(*Don't use balloons as prophylactics)
(Too many colors can cause distractions)
Copyright © Earl Schumacker | Year Posted 2016
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