How It Shouldn'T Feel Like
You’re too old to feel this shy he says
Looking into my soul with those chocolate brown eyes
He slides two fingers in and I look away
My body begins to shake, my mouth begins to dry
Sex is normal they say…
All I can see now is his face
How he looked at me like I was everything
And nothing all at once
I can’t help but miss him even though he took all my shame
All he would do was take, take, and take
All I feel for him now is regret
And I realize that sex should not feel this way…
I close my eyes and try to forget his face
You did not break me, I think
There are many heartbreaks to come and tears to shed
One day I will look in the mirror and the person I will be able to see is a delighted me
People around have started to finally listen
Don’t lose your virginity to him if you’re not ready
Others begin to say that it’s just sex…
I see him naked with his beautiful, dark, and toned body in my bed
He starts to kiss me like he’s searching for answers, but in the wrong place
I feel the trembling in my body, the overload of heat
I don’t know if it’s excitement or fear
I tell him to get off
This isn’t love
I am just a slim body for him to use and forget in a couple of months, maybe even weeks
He gets dressed and leaves, and I feel relief
I am still pure, yet feel so dirty
Months have passed
I can’t help but see his face
How do you call someone you felt everything for and they felt absolutely nothing?
That’s real heartbreak
You will learn from this they say
I look around and see men as something to be disgusted by
Teach me how to love
But do I even love myself?
Copyright © Mystery Girl | Year Posted 2018
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