How It Shouldn'T Feel Like

You’re too old to feel this shy he says Looking into my soul with those chocolate brown eyes He slides two fingers in and I look away My body begins to shake, my mouth begins to dry Sex is normal they say… All I can see now is his face How he looked at me like I was everything And nothing all at once I can’t help but miss him even though he took all my shame All he would do was take, take, and take All I feel for him now is regret And I realize that sex should not feel this way… I close my eyes and try to forget his face You did not break me, I think There are many heartbreaks to come and tears to shed One day I will look in the mirror and the person I will be able to see is a delighted me People around have started to  finally listen Don’t lose your virginity to him if you’re not ready Others begin to say that it’s just sex… I see him naked with his beautiful, dark, and toned body in my bed He starts to kiss me like he’s searching for answers, but in the wrong place I feel the trembling in my body, the overload of heat I don’t know if it’s excitement or fear I tell him to get off This isn’t love I am just a slim body for him to use and forget in a couple of months, maybe even weeks He gets dressed and leaves, and I feel relief I am still pure, yet feel so dirty Months have passed I can’t help but see his face How do you call someone you felt everything for and they felt absolutely nothing? That’s real heartbreak You will learn from this they say I look around and see men as something to be disgusted by Teach me how to love But do I even love myself?