How Do You Do

Well, my father was a farmer, just chickens and cows When it came to raisin' 'em, he really knew how To milk those bovines for all they were worth And to keep those chickens from wrasslin' in the dirt ~ Uh-huh But the Lord must have had it in bad for my dad 'Cuz one summer he lost near all that he had-- Cows got sick and chickens died Mom ran off with another man, 'n he cried-- Seemed to me like the whole damned world gone mad. Then dad took ill 'n was a-fixin' to die One night he gave out a shriek and a cry Sayin,' "C'mere, son, there's somethin' you oughta know Before I go." He said, "Son, we ain't talked religion and such But it's my job to tell you some int'resting news And here it is: "YOU ARE A JEW!" "HOW DO YOU DO?!" Well, my paw was finished, so he up and died And I turned pale from shock and surprise All'us thought I was Christian, like everyone else I knew So I vowed I'd get even with my paw some day When we'd meet in heaven, there'd be hell to pay ~ or maybe in some place in-between... ...A few years passed and I got sick of the farm, of the cows and the smell and the flies in the barn So I packed my bag and took a plane to Gan Shmu'el-- ISRAEL-- to find out all I could about be-in' a Jew ~ Uh-huh Joined the army, and shot off my gun Had a load of fun helpin' Israel win ~ another dangerous war I was right at home with Bibi and Avigdor Livin' in a country I felt was worth fightin' for-- Til one day when the enemy stuck a knife in my heart Well, I bled a little, and I bled a lot And knowin' that this life's the only one I've got ~ I sure was sad to see it slippin' away... Then I flew up to Heaven, in line number seven When I turned around and stared right into the face of my paw ~ UP THERE! ~ IN HEAVEN! Well, I turned white as a ghost, but what could I do? Faster than a fart, and quicker than a poo, I said: PAW, HOW DO YOU DO? I AM A JEW! JUST LIKE YOU! And my paw said, "Aw shuckins, I'm the lucky 'un To have a faithful son is life's greatest blessin' So we started kissin' and a-huggin' and a-carryin' on For the cameras we were muggin' and a-layin' it on And I learned that day to be right proud of my paw ~ So I up and told him somethin' full of wonder and awe. I said: HEY, PAW! HOW DO YOU DO?! I'M A -- BORN-AGAIN -- JEW! ~ May the Good Lord bless me and bless you!!