How Do You Do
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This poem is meant to be 'chanted' and sung to the tune of "A Boy Named Sue," by the great Johnny Cash.
Well, my father was a farmer, just chickens and cows
When it came to raisin' 'em, he really knew how
To milk those bovines for all they were worth
And to keep those chickens from wrasslin' in the dirt
~ Uh-huh
But the Lord must have had it in bad for my dad
'Cuz one summer he lost near all that he had--
Cows got sick and chickens died
Mom ran off with another man, 'n he cried--
Seemed to me like the whole damned world gone mad.
Then dad took ill 'n was a-fixin' to die
One night he gave out a shriek and a cry
Sayin,' "C'mere, son, there's somethin' you oughta know
Before I go."
He said, "Son, we ain't talked religion and such
But it's my job to tell you some int'resting news
And here it is:
"YOU ARE A JEW!"
"HOW DO YOU DO?!"
Well, my paw was finished, so he up and died
And I turned pale from shock and surprise
All'us thought I was Christian, like everyone else I knew
So I vowed I'd get even with my paw some day
When we'd meet in heaven, there'd be hell to pay
~ or maybe in some place in-between...
...A few years passed and I got sick of the farm,
of the cows and the smell and the flies in the barn
So I packed my bag and took a plane to Gan Shmu'el--
ISRAEL--
to find out all I could about be-in' a Jew
~ Uh-huh
Joined the army, and shot off my gun
Had a load of fun helpin' Israel win
~ another dangerous war
I was right at home with Bibi and Avigdor
Livin' in a country I felt was worth fightin' for--
Til one day when the enemy stuck a knife in my heart
Well, I bled a little, and I bled a lot
And knowin' that this life's the only one I've got
~ I sure was sad to see it slippin' away...
Then I flew up to Heaven, in line number seven
When I turned around and stared
right into the face of my paw
~ UP THERE!
~ IN HEAVEN!
Well, I turned white as a ghost, but what could I do?
Faster than a fart, and quicker than a poo, I said:
PAW, HOW DO YOU DO?
I AM A JEW!
JUST LIKE YOU!
And my paw said, "Aw shuckins, I'm the lucky 'un
To have a faithful son is life's greatest blessin'
So we started kissin' and a-huggin' and a-carryin' on
For the cameras we were muggin' and a-layin' it on
And I learned that day to be right proud of my paw
~ So I up and told him somethin' full of wonder and awe.
I said:
HEY, PAW!
HOW DO YOU DO?!
I'M A -- BORN-AGAIN -- JEW!
~ May the Good Lord bless me and bless you!!
Copyright © Gershon Wolf | Year Posted 2018
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