How Could You

I’d give anything for just one more day. To listen to you tell me, “Steph it’s going to be okay.” But that’s just it. I hear you in my mind. Your voice calling out, peace I just can’t find. I see you everywhere, in everything I do. A moment or memory, it all comes back to you. I know you’re happy and healthy up there, but down here on earth, I’m left gasping for air. I know it pains you when you see me crying, but mom please understand, down here I’m dying. You were my life line, my reason for being. You left me here alone, in a world so unforgiving. The emotions are coming. I can feel them brewing. Perhaps creating this poem, will be my undoing. I’ve been strong so far, I’ve kept up my head. I’ve suppressed my feelings, but the anger has spread. Spread through my body, my heart and soul. I can’t fight any longer, it has taken its toll. I feel like a mime, my emotions I hide, but not anymore I can’t let them slide. No, not anymore, I’m about to explode, I need to let go of this heavy load. Off of my shoulders I need to be free of all of the frustration eating the insides of me. The anger built up is eating me alive. I need to pull it together, my life I need to revive. Now I’m talking in circles, to the point, I’ll get. There will come a time, but I can’t forgive you yet. Can you really say you fought? Or did you let yourself go? I’ve never known you to be selfish, but you had to know. How could you give up on your daughter and son? This is surely a battle you could have won. Although I hate it, my anger is directed at you. Why didn’t you fight? There had to be more you could do. How could you leave me so broken and alone? How could you give up? How could you not have known?