How Many Times
HOW MANY TIMES ?
Now I’m a commonsense-o-holic
But when I was a practising catholic
Confession was always a trial or a show.
The guy behind the wire-gauze fence
Always seemed to want to know
How many times I had done the offence.
Well the most common offence, though odious,
Of young teenage boys is obvious:
And sometimes I used to mentally advance
The following extenuating circumstance
Well twenty-eight times this week
Because my hormones were at their peak;
Well fifty-three times but I must admit
It would have been sixty you’d have to acquit
If I had had enough energy left for such crimes;
Well, father, it would have been four times,
But there's no lock on the door, you see
And my mother walked in on me, suddenly.
What did he do with all the statistics of my energy pent?
Of frequency ? Of offending commandment?
Did he report to higher authority?
Did he keep bar charts or pie graphs of me
Compared with other boys of teen-age?
Was I better or worse than average?
Confession is secret so I never found out
But to hell I am going beyond any doubt.
Copyright © Sidney Beck | Year Posted 2011
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