Hope of Happiness
I was hoping to be happy by sixteen.
The Friday night football
Tending to what I always thought of high school to be:
Cheerful, patriotic, outgoing, interesting.
However, something always seemed to depress me,
to prevent me from my sixteen year old happiness
Even the smallest things,
And could always throw my unbeat moods
Swirling down a dark, uninviting drain of silent depression.
I always felt helpless to do anything about it,
Like I was walking on a hamster's wheel,
Unable to control anything
And only able to follow along
Praying to God that I wouldn't miss a step
Knowing that otherwise
I'd fall completely off track; that I'd break down.
I felt that because I was unhappy,
I'd just have to deal with it
To "suck it up" as my friends would say.
So obviously, I accepted, pitifully, for a long time
that I had no control over my mood, yet I was wrong to do so.
What I failed to realize, And still have trouble remembering,
is that I have to choose to be happy,
And I can't rely on others' actions and attitudes to make me smile.
Copyright © Christina Roudebush | Year Posted 2005
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