Homely Baby

My new born son is as ugly as he can be. I'm offended when people say he looks like me. I wanted a son, that is every man's dream. But when people see him, they always scream. Last week, a saleslady came to my house to sell a vacuum cleaner. She started running when she saw my baby, you should've seen her. I have to get dog drunk before I'm able to kiss him good night. If you have a bad heart, my baby will cause you to die of fright. My wife was offended when I said our baby has the face of a horse. She's so angry at me that she's threatening to get a divorce. I'll sign the divorce papers but only if she agrees to take the baby. I want that homely infant out of my sight and I don't mean maybe.