Healthy Relapse

I knew one day you would pull me back Without you by my side it's hard to get on a good path You pull me out of the darkness, while the other object would put me in a blood bath You heal the trauma and heartache by giving me a healthy relapse I've had my pen staring at me, begging me to hold it You help me to reveal my heart but was unaware that I froze it I hid my pain for so long, I was unable to show it We were in a battle, I didn't care to relive it but you wanted me to expose it Forgive me if you don't see me grinning, I'm not repaired I'm still traumatised seeing my Mum have a stroke at the beginning of the year I tried to block it out, but my mind kept reliving the moment I've been trying to survive my thoughts, I forgot I had you to help me beat any opponent I had flashbacks of my self-harm days when I couldn't cope The blade telling me it'll hurt me less than the people I love the most Maybe this journey isn't for me, or maybe I never understood the roads I didn't know I'd lose so much blood during growth But when I hold the pen close I never have the unsafe thoughts I need to remember to pick you up next time I'm having blade wars You feel safer in my hand than the blade did The blade made me bleed, but when I used you the page did I knew one day you would pull me back Without you by my side it's hard to get on a good path You pull me out of the darkness, while the other object would put me in a blood bath You heal the trauma and heartache by giving me a healthy relapse