Hawkins County Sheriff's Report
Hawkins County Sheriff’s Report
Complainant advised that he thought
His girlfriend the thief that he sought
So he set up a trap
Near the couch where he sat
Believing this time she’d be caught
One envelop had dollar bills
One envelop had many pills
When he went to bed
She stayed up instead
In the morning she felt kind of ill
The money and pills were all gone
Then she threw up the pills on the lawn
When he asked for the cash
She said somewhat abashed
It was hidden up under her thong
In his effort to get back his dough
From the place where the sun doesn’t show
With some old kitchen tong
And a brush was too long
He probed but it was a no go
When the sheriff got there he found
Blood flowing freely around
So to the ER
In the back of his car
To free what was so tightly bound
The lady thief was then sedated
The evidence soon confiscated
She was booked for the crime
And is now doing time
The complainant they said was elated
The lesson I’d like to convey
And believe me it’s always this way
If you happen to push
Your loot up your tush
You’ll soon learn why crime doesn’t pay
Uncle Mike
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