Hate is a strong word

I hate that I do And I hate that I continuously try with you I hate that I know you will never be mine I dislike that in the drop of a dime I will drop anything to see you In fact, I forget about remembering me Every time I'm angry that my mind and body still have a reaction to yours I become some vulnerable girl that lets you take control of her world and I assume a thoughtless role played by some dudes girl No identity for me when I am with you I hate that I waste time getting ready when I do Only for you to ghost me as you usually do You are unreliable and unsteady Still, I dream of having you I wish I could forget you like you quickly seem to do Every time you leave, and this dead-end story for me repeats I pray I get you-amnesia or you-dementia before old age I just need a deletion of you from my hearts play I bet even through delirium Your name will be mentioned everywhere, every day, and I hate that, I must say My spirit wants to befriend your soul But my soul hangs back because it knows Your intentions are not true or whole My spirit just doesn't know when to hold or when to fold When to cash in because my love bank will be Forever without him I hate that you are a thought I often get over any I hate that even after writing this I still feel love for a guy who has no love to give, not any I hate that I love and know you don't I wish I could control these feelings But time has proven that I can't and probably won't