Handy Man

Handy Man

I am some handy man
I say to myself
So I grab the sander
From off of the shelf
I grab the sandpaper
I tighten the belt
When they see what I’ve done
Their hearts will just melt
I’ll sand those floors
Till they’re smooth as glass
And I’ll do it all 
Sitting square on my ass
So I’m down on the floor
My legs spread out wide
The sander is ready
To just simply glide
So I flip the switch
And it comes to life
Roars right up my leg
Cuts my pants like a knife
My eyes are wide open
No sound do I make
I think to myself
I have made a mistake
It’s amazing the visuals
The human mind sees
Between feeling the pain
And the trigger I squeeze
Something is terribly wrong
Now I fear
As I scramble to finally
Get up off of my rear
One word of advice
Sand your floors if you dare
But not with the sander
Between legs and your pair

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