Handy Man

Handy Man I am some handy man I say to myself So I grab the sander From off of the shelf I grab the sandpaper I tighten the belt When they see what I’ve done Their hearts will just melt I’ll sand those floors Till they’re smooth as glass And I’ll do it all Sitting square on my ass So I’m down on the floor My legs spread out wide The sander is ready To just simply glide So I flip the switch And it comes to life Roars right up my leg Cuts my pants like a knife My eyes are wide open No sound do I make I think to myself I have made a mistake It’s amazing the visuals The human mind sees Between feeling the pain And the trigger I squeeze Something is terribly wrong Now I fear As I scramble to finally Get up off of my rear One word of advice Sand your floors if you dare But not with the sander Between legs and your pair