Had To Get This Off My Chest

There is something inside me that is afraid.
I'm not sure what it is, but it makes me fade.
I think its from what I learned as a kid, it was rough.
From a young age, I saw my best wasn't good enough.

I was never great at sports, but I had my good games.
No matter what I did, I was the one everyone blames.
I remember one time, we were down by a lot,
I went in and made every single basket I shot.

We ended up winning that game and I was the cause. 
But no one said good job, they pointed out my flaws.
That was the best game I ever had.
But when I got home, I cried because I was sad.

In high school, it happened the same way.
I had the best football game I could ever play.
But what they talked about was when I made one mistake.
At my best, it still wasn't enough, I mean who did I forsake?

In grade school I was so nervous I stuttered when I read aloud.
I was nervous because they ridiculed me, so I was shy in the crowd.
They also ridiculed me and said I was over weight.
Maybe I did have a small gut, but I was only eight.

When I was 23, I lost all my weight and my stomach was flat.
But its sad, I never saw a skinny person in the mirror, I was always fat.
Do you know what its like to have a self-image that is distorted?
No matter how skinny I get, my minds will never support it.

It feels like all my accomplishments in life are hollow.
I just can't believe I still let it bother me, its hard to swallow.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2011

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Onclaud Avatar
July 20, 2011 at 10:31 PM
intriguing write, chris.. the inner critique has a mind of its own.. a powerhouse! :) huggs, nette
Brown Avatar
July 14, 2011 at 7:24 AM
A very interesting and enjoyable read Chris. Thank you for sharing with us. Hope you have a wonderful day filled with inspiration. Love, Carol
Sweetheart Avatar
July 13, 2011 at 6:57 PM
wow an explosive vent on how people focus on the negative rather than positive achievements in life with their criticisms Chris.. better to vent it out in poetry luv.. the part about the sports is awesome.. the part about the weight is so relative as I am a recovering anorexia person who now has it under control and learned to luv myself more rather than those who slung ugly names from school .. understanding and feeling this pain luv..
Warden Avatar
July 13, 2011 at 6:42 PM
Wow, very well written..faults and mistakes are always the first thing folks see..I think you must be a wonderful person..Hugs to you.
Jones Avatar
July 13, 2011 at 4:05 PM
Bravo!!! I call that getting it off your chest with STYLE! Man, those eating disorders are rough stuff... a real opportunity to learn perspective.
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