Gunfighter Ballad For a Modern World

He was the world’s last gun fighter And he always worked in drag Carrying his six shooters In a special velvet bag. No boots and spurs to jingle As in to town he rode, Just patent leather sling backs High heeled and open toed. He always arrived early Before the heat of the sun Always so very careful His mascara didn’t run. And when he’d done the job, Left the body on the ground, He always left so quickly, Never ever hung around. The world’s last gunfighter; He always earned his fee, And always in the morning so As not to disturb his Earl Grey tea. Then he carefully slipped back Into his other life; A gas fitter in Cheltenham With two kids and a wife, While the police of the world, Who really didn’t know Hunted the femme fatale Of his alter ego. When the next summons came In the want ads of the Times He’d don his Dior dresses And kill just one more time. Well it helped to pay the mortgage And kept food on the table And a mans got to do Just what he’s really able. He was the world’s last gun fighter And he always worked in drag Carrying his six shooters In a special velvet bag