Got To Lose To Start New
Something I have to accept Is that my life reset,
my transitional twenties ended empty,
from people to places to drugs I was taking,
life snapped escaped became separated.
my thirties gave me a new slate,
but in a confused state,
stuck in a removed place,
facing my twenties on a clue chase,
Had an empty space
escalation lost pace
Now something I trace
seek truth and link fate,
Depressed misery
to repressed memories
Friends to enemies
Worn away mentally
I finally find the beginning
the start was me winning
then helpless hope blinking
overwhelmed lost and sinking
I went at it alone putting up a fight,
Survived the mind games and the plots,
advantage to fight preventing my flight
when help was denied, victory was forgot
I just needed the mature thought
someone to advise, someone to talk,
The unprepared fight that I fought,
Never win on my own, certainty fall short
I get it now that I was let down
the power that be went to town
illegal operations pushed me about
Treating me as though I’m a clown
That judgement is subjective
Based on selfish objective
disrespectful rejection didn’t want to listen
True colours, gone never will I miss them
And now I can link the past to the present,
Understanding reality no longer guessing,
A vision of my future beyond depression
No longer destroyed suicidal and stressing
Absorbed on the whole yet still sinking in,
I get caught reminiscing not progressing
Torture and stolen time is my obsession
But slowly digested as the impact lessens
I know I am stalling and after I’d fallen,
But I know I’ll go forward and be rewarded
need to explore what for and my calling
Beaten to believing, a victory recorded
I never surrendered
I never gave in
The lesson to remember
Endure ‘til you win
Copyright © Nick Trim | Year Posted 2021
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