Got To Lose To Start New

Something I have to accept Is that my life reset, my transitional twenties ended empty, from people to places to drugs I was taking, life snapped escaped became separated. my thirties gave me a new slate, but in a confused state, stuck in a removed place, facing my twenties on a clue chase, Had an empty space escalation lost pace Now something I trace seek truth and link fate, Depressed misery to repressed memories Friends to enemies Worn away mentally I finally find the beginning the start was me winning then helpless hope blinking overwhelmed lost and sinking I went at it alone putting up a fight, Survived the mind games and the plots, advantage to fight preventing my flight when help was denied, victory was forgot I just needed the mature thought someone to advise, someone to talk, The unprepared fight that I fought, Never win on my own, certainty fall short I get it now that I was let down the power that be went to town illegal operations pushed me about Treating me as though I’m a clown That judgement is subjective Based on selfish objective disrespectful rejection didn’t want to listen True colours, gone never will I miss them And now I can link the past to the present, Understanding reality no longer guessing, A vision of my future beyond depression No longer destroyed suicidal and stressing Absorbed on the whole yet still sinking in, I get caught reminiscing not progressing Torture and stolen time is my obsession But slowly digested as the impact lessens I know I am stalling and after I’d fallen, But I know I’ll go forward and be rewarded need to explore what for and my calling Beaten to believing, a victory recorded I never surrendered I never gave in The lesson to remember Endure ‘til you win