God Hates Me

In a past life I must have killed a priest, or could it be that on flesh i did feast? Maybe I brutally raped a God ordained nun. Because in this life I am being shunned. My kittens have died, one every other day. Three total and one other will not get that pardon or stay. Feline leukemia, so all my cats will surely die. The only humane thing is to euthanize, and so I cry. Lois, then Jasper, next Quagmire, now Emmett too, The mama cat, and their older brother will die, how can we get through? Hopefully the three orphans weren't exposed enough, Four weeks until we'll know, why does life have to be so tough? The mama, Maxine, was named after my grandma who died, the kids and Illyanna got her for me, because all I did was cry. A year and a half of joy and love she brought to me. Why does she and all the kittens have to die, is what I plea. What have I done to have a life where I struggle every day? I'm not a bad person, I'm kind and loving, how much more must we pay? A mother, who didn't want me for a while, many men who used and abused me. At times like this, it makes me want to give up on life, to turn and flee. They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle at one time, I feel like its a lie, I feel unjustly convicted of a horrible crime. Today I have to choose, let my animals suffer or give them the mercy of death. To bury six members of my family in seven days, will leave me bereft. How much torture and pain must one person or family have to go through? This isn't some fiction story, every word I write is nothing but true. Every passing minute, more of my heart breaks piece by piece. I don't smoke, or drink, or do drugs, or have sex, so I have no release. Let me wake, and it be nothing more than a horrible dream, I can't take much more of this crappy bad luck, its too extreme. God, if you're there, why are you doing this to all of us? I've always been told You are someone we can trust! Please God, please don't take anything else away. My heart and soul whither as the ends start to fray. Tell me what you want me to do and I will gladly obey. Just please, Dear God, I can't handle the agonizing dismay.