God and the Mayonnaise Jar
I had a dream once, years ago.
I found myself on a beach
Beside a windless sea that stretched to the horizon;
In the other direction was a empty expanse of sand.
And on the beach stood
A scrawny little old man
Who said, in a loud voice,
“I AM GOD AND I’M NAKED!”
Except he wasn’t.
Naked that is.
And I had my doubts about the former.
But in the dream I thought,
Well, if he IS God,
Then this seemed a good opportunity
To ask Him about some things
That I’d been wondering about.
After all, He’d know, right?
But first, as a test,
I handed Him something
That looked like an empty two-foot-high mayonnaise jar
With some kind of complicated locking mechanism at the top,
Just to see if He could open it,
Which, being God, He shoulda been able to do, right?
But then I woke up, so I never found out.
My shrink didn’t know what any of this meant, either.
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