Generation Shack

Password Paranoia

Hey, how did you do that?
Do what?
Open that can?
I used the can opener.
I KNOW, but where did you put in the password?
What password?
The CAN OPENER password!
I stare at my 4-year-old grandchild, who is scowling and glaring at me, with the hate of a disemboweled tiger, in full-body, angry eyebrow-clenching pout face.
WHAT?
Then I remember he is a shak; shaks were born with passwords stamped on their IPads that were latched onto their hands in step 7, in the recovery room.
How else could we have gotten them away from their mama’s so easily?
Shaks don’t need mamas or papas or anybody else.
Shaks have ipads, and chargers, and boosters, and passwords to keep them happy.
Happy?
Hm….
Generation Shak has a password to put on their coats, another to wipe their own derrieres, and don’t even try to stir a banana into your pudding until you call www.bananawannabe.com and get the approved password.
Shaks have passwords to wake up, passwords to get up, passwords to throw up,
By the first tri-monthster, when some Shaks boldly try scooting around on their tummies,
They need a minimum of seventy-three and a four tenths passwords. Research says they have already forgotten, and had to rename an average of 52 passwords by that time.
Hey, who’s that woman? What’s she trying to do?
You can’t pick him up.
It doesn’t matter.
No one can pick up this baby without the appropriate password.
I am so proud of my 4-year-old grandson for protecting his brother from the OTHER grandma.
My heart beams with glory and pride as I hear him take her down.
I don’t care if you are his grandma, YOU NEED A PASSWORD! She looks at me beseechingly, and says, “I forgot my password. May I please borrow yours?”
I give her my scowling, glaring, hateful tiger-like full-body, charge-you-in-the-tummy-old-lady-if-I-have-to-face and say, “. Never give out your password, Jack. NEVER! If you give it to her, I will hotline you, and the police will come, and your parents will be taken away for allowing you to talk without appropriate password clearance. Understood?”
NO ONE SHOULD BORROW YOUR PASSWORD, right? I’m not wrong, right?
Www.whatthehellisgoingonoverthere.com dialed my phone a few minutes later.
“Enter the appropriate password, or we shall send the troops to 62183 Downer Drive immediately!”
They end up sending the troops, but by then I’ve remembered the car unlock code, and we are sitting in the street honking the horn, begging anyone to loan us their password, so we can start the engine.
I explain to the troops that I know how dangerous it is for us to lose the passwords, and break the rules, and I agree that if we lose this generation of Shaks, we’ll be back to where we started.
Out of control hugging, kissing, eating together at breakfast, talking to each other.
Okay, and quit that crying unless you can log onto www.crymyhearttosleep.technologies.org and
Come up with the APPROPRIATE password.
Can anyone tell I spent over an hour yesterday trying to remember 4 user names and 4 passwords, so I could get a doctor’s appointment?
S/should H/have A/always K/known

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