Mary Dragon Poet Free verse

From Women

We come from women. 
This includes those who behave with toxicity. 

Often, as Women, we learn to win without violence, we don't need physical size. 

The nicest women I've ever met, are women who work in service of others... 

The key word here is nice, not kind. 
This includes versions of me... Who needed to find power in her personal life, when giving my whole work and romantic life to others. 

We know how to say the words that cut deep, compensating for an inability to fight our partners physically. 

We are in no way weaker emotionally, often stronger in fact, learning the logic and patterns of our men. 

We also like to judge women, who speak up on women. 

I am an abuse victim, but also a victor over my own abusive tendencies... 

Which came from the women before me in family, media, social media and trauma, also genetics and childhood environments. 

Abuse has never had an origin incident in humanity... Humans can and always have been cruel, desperate and have a tendency to need to win. 

I will say this clearly... 

I was a victim... 

And as a victim... 

Being sexually assaulted, beaten, isolated, controlled and stalked at a younger age... 

Gave me no right to expect everyone else's Son to work this way. 

It also gave me no right to try to pick these behaviours out of men, because I was fearful they were deep inside them... 

I am a woman who's picked at men's deepest wounds... Because I chose partners who were never meant to see or understand me. 

I was on my way to understanding myself, following what I was raised to know, I'm built to be a wife and to submit to the unrighteous otherwise I am not whole. 

Women applauded each other endlessly on social media... Telling a young me that all men were abusers and that they deserved to be put in the trash. 

I took my early abuse and continued to perpetuate it, because it's all I knew. 

As I evolved, I aligned and continue to attract new matches who reflect a fraction of me, bringing me hope
... 

I have now finally understood that I am absolutely of best service to men, if I am not making love to them or meeting them at their wounds... Nor their potential. 

I am potent and radiating when not romantic.
And I still don't know how to not give all of myself... 

I hurt good people... In youth, naivity and in a fire of injustice for all who had harmed me. 

I remained kind, honest and good... But when I felt used or to be left, I changed. Then, I began running before I even felt that way. 

The best and most wounded men I've met
... Wished they could be there for their own mothers in childhood. 

They tried to be there for me as a young woman and I tried to be there for the the version of them that radiated yearning for nurturing and love. 

There is nothing wrong with attempting to Love, over and over. Though, there is everything wrong with an inability to walk away and let go.

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