Freefall

Sat through another non-eventful free fall through the ceiling while trying hard to feel something despite the way I'm feeling. Trying hard to find my way back to the time of when I didn't have to sit in this damn chair time and again. For every day now seems a bit more like the day before. Just like a cross between a treadmill and revolving door, where weeks and months and years all seem to be as one long day. And I sit waiting, hoping that the numbness goes away. That perhaps someday I will finally learn to feel again, where I can feel connected to a loved one or a friend, or maybe feel excited at some simple little thing, or cry, or laugh, or things like that instead of suffering. For all I do now days is sit, as if the clock stood still, watching everyone around and wishing I could feel the things that they all seem to feel so very naturally. And I sit hoping, wondering... if that ever can be me.