Janet Runyan | + Follow Poet |
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Fought So Hard

Time goes by so slowly here
In your world of denial
I try to keep my head clear
But you've been so blind
It just gets harder and harder to breathe

Seems like a hundred years
Since you've really looked at me
I've cried an ocean of tears
Screaming for you to see
I'm not what you wanted but I'm still something

You thought you wanted me to be a doctor
But you always told me I'm stupid
You broke my spirit, took the controls
Even the teachers told you what you were doing
Said maybe I'd change if you treated me differently

But you made it so hard to be in the family
I believed all the words you threw in my face
Got myself kicked out of every school
Your oldest daughter, your biggest disgrace
But I am a Runyan, so proud of my family

So much time I wasted trying to make you proud of me
Not knowing you had written me off
Finally I'm back in your life
Doing all I can to prove it's worth it
But there's this cage around you

I know I made mistakes forever
But people really can change
I took the steps through hell, I'm not "her"
Still you keep me at a distance
Who breaks first, me or you?

Copyright © Janet Runyan | Year Posted 2016

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Alexis Y. Date: 7/7/2016 5:14:00 PM Hi Janet, You have penned a deep emotional write that many can relate to. This is so sad. We all want our parents to love us. When they don't it can dictate every aspect of our lives. Some people aren't cut out to be parents. I hope your relationship with your parent changes. It's never too late. But if it's toxic maybe he/ she doesn't deserve you. A enormous seven- Alexis Login to Reply Janet Runyan Date: 7/7/2016 5:19:00 PM Thank you so much. I keep working on it and i feel like I it's getting better. It does take time but it's worth it. Thanks for taking the time.

Jan Allison Date: 5/19/2016 2:56:00 PM Such a heartbreaking poem Janet it is hard when we do not meet up to our parents expectations - I think many can relate to your words:-( hugs Jan xx Login to Reply Janet Runyan Date: 5/19/2016 3:12:00 PM Thank you. I've been working on my relationship with my father for about four years now since I found out his hopes for me. I was shocked to say the least but I really hope that we can be friends someday Janet Runyan Date: 5/19/2016 3:09:00 PM Thank you. I've been working on my relationship with my father for about four years now since I found out his hopes for me. I was shocked to say the least but I really hope that we can be friends someday